Hipsters and Carhartt

Every now and then I will go to Urban Outfitters and purchase a western shirt. I will. I know what you're thinking... that's an expensive hipster store. It is. However, they sell these western shirts there with white pearl snaps and their size medium fits me great. And if I play an important show... like when I play at WorkPlay, I might treat myself to a sexy western shirt. Shut up. They are usually $45, but often they are on clearance for $15-$20.

So, I went there last week, because I was in the mood for a nice western shirt. There's all sorts of hipster stuff there. Hipster propaganda reading material, tight hipster pants that my balls could never fit into, hipster paintings, and ugly hipster shoes. I go straight for the western shirts and try not to make eye contact with any hipsters. During my visit, as I was making my way to the western shirts, I saw the most frightening thing. Carhartt jeans. Sitting on the shelf, just to the left of the western shirts, were Carhartt jeans. I was in frightened disbelief. I looked around for any other Carhartt clothing, and found nothing, thank God. I didn't buy a western shirt. I left and went to the Metro Bar and played in front of 7 people.

We must not let the hipsters take Carhartt. Carhartt is for men. Not hipsters. The gays already took the rainbow, the lesbians took the Subaru, and the rappers took the Range Rover. Hipster cannot have Carhartt. If you are a hipster reading this, keep wearing your tight pants for your small balls, Carhartt jeans and overalls won't fit you anyways. You're too small and frail.